All the while, I’ve been struggling to generate worthwhile prose, even as my journey continues. As a half-measure, I leave you with a vignette of SMS communication with a training partner. I promise to return soon.

Me: Hey I'm exhausted. Think you can make it to the gym on your own?
Him: Nope lets go quit feeling sorry for yourself! I'm hearing excuses right now!
Him: !!!!!
Him: I'll drive!
Me: Lol I don't want to over train. I'm feeling worn out from the whole week
Him: Ill come drag you by the ears!
Me: Cmon son
Him: No such thing!!!!!!
Me: I'll be back at it tomorrow and Saturday
Him: :( me can't go friday or saturday :((
Me: Go today then, lol
Him: I can't go without my partner
Me: I'm not feeling bad, I just know imma be a wreck if I go hard for another day
Him: I refuse
Me: I'm putting my phone on silent and taking a nap !!
Him: Pussy!!!
Me: Ok fine. But I need to get a smoothie on the way.
Him: Good lets go!


Dad and Junior

A short time after the kids’ divisions wrapped up, I walked out to the car and encountered an angry middle-aged guy and his son, a heavy kid who looked to be about 10 years old. Apparently Junior had choked and lost his first match. Dad was furious. He was cussing Junior out.

“You were doing fine until you got pushed a little bit, and then you gave up. You fucking gave up! It’s just like I always tell you.” Dad’s inflection was going up and down in rapid crescendos typical of men unable to control themselves when excited.

He repeated this invective for the whole parking lot. What broke my heart was the way Junior plodded along stoically behind Dad with a perfectly neutral expression on his face. I guessed that Junior had seen this kind of thing from Dad before.

I felt bad for not saying anything to Dad. At the time it didn’t seem wise to confront a hothead in front of his kid. Also, maybe Junior has always been lethargic and Dad’s histrionics are carefully designed to get him moving.

More likely, Dad is a supercharged cunt and he needs to figure out why he’s being so silly in front of his kid, in public.

I wanted to pull Dad aside and tell him that we all want to please our parents and that losing feels pretty bad, and that Junior probably felt plenty bad without the cussing. I also wanted to tell him about how, if I was Junior, I would never want to do Jiu Jitsu ever again.

We’re seeing a lot more kids at these tournaments, and with it we’re gonna see the inevitable monster parents doing their little league routine. It’s a lot easier to get on Junior’s case than it was to motivate yourself when you were that age, huh Dad? I didn’t even see his match, but I think Junior is pretty rad just for competing. If you’re reading this, Junior, get in touch and I’ll buy you an ice cream or an xbox game or something. You’re the shit, if you ask me.

Fighting Flat

I went on to  lose the second match in my no-gi division and the first fight in my gi division. I had two problems, as far as I can tell. One is that I was mentally off – I didn’t feel very juiced up before my fights. Second, there are some elements of my grappling I need to sharpen up. My only consolation is that I did the toughest weight cut that I’ve ever done (10 lbs in less than 24 hours) and felt like garbage all day. But still – my mental focus was not on point, and I certainly didn’t go in there with the awesome killer spirit that I like to think I’ve developed at these tournaments. This has been a problem the last few times I’ve competed. I don’t feel all that nervous before my fights anymore. I need to figure out why I’m fighting flat.

I just realized this is the second post I’ve written about parents screaming at their children in parking lots. The lesson is that families are terrible.

I had a really long day at work the other day, then dragged myself to the gym and had an awesome time. Did BJJ classes as well as Muay Thai with the mighty Muhsin Corbbrey. It made me remember why I love this stuff so much.

Going into this competition feeling strong in my jiu jitsu, and being mostly recovered from some nagging injuries that made it tough to train hard over the last couple of months. I made the mistake of rolling with some unscrupulous assholes while I was at the Army Combatives Schoolhouse in Ft Benning. I realized afterward that I’ve taken it for granted that most everyone has a great training ethic at all the BJJ/MMA schools I’ve been to. In the Army, you’ve got to watch out, because it’s a relatively unsupervised environment. If anyone’s going to the Combatives schoolhouse anytime soon after this post was written, give me a heads up and I’ll let you know who the knuckleheads are. (This might become a full post later on).

I got to train at Matt Serra’s school in Long Island during a recent road trip. Learned a couple of great things in the gi and no-gi worlds. Wish I could have trained there longer – Matt has a bunch of monsters in his gym! And all of them very fun to roll with. Not to give away the secret sauce, but the De La Riva guard seems to be new hottness. I was glad I was already familiar with it when I rolled in there.

That’s about all I’ve got for now. Figured I’d bang something out for this long-neglected blog while I’m chilling in this hotel room. I hope to get updating more often as I also ramp up my training.

Hard work, dedication !!

Technical Writing and Jiu Jitsu

I was a technical writer for two years, so it was my job to break down arcane concepts and write procedures for non-experts. Writing good instructions for martial arts is a classic tech writing challenge in that it’s difficult to decide how much detail to include. For example, I know you have to stay tight to the shoulder whenever you’re setting up a straight arm bar. But if you’re writing for someone new to the game, you should probably make a note of this somewhere, right? Should this be included in the procedural explanation of a technique? Or should it be noted beforehand to keep the procedure concise?

I also like to keep my instructions ambidextrous, which presents its own challenges. I’ve noticed you can usually refer to the “inside” and “outside” half of the body, because you’re rarely totally square with your opponent. And when you’re perpendicular in side control, you have a “head side” and a “foot side” with reference to your opponent. In the midst of a technique, you can also refer to the “same” or “opposite side” of the body you were just talking about. It’s best to use this kind of language when you’re demonstrating live, as well, because it puts less demand on your listeners.

There’s a BJJ black belt who instructs at the Combatives schoolhouse. At lunch, he teaches jiu jitsu to the other instructors, and I’ve been scarfing down a Clif bar and joining them. His style reminds me of my BJJ instructor, Jay Jack. He does the same variation on the side choke (link to instructional by Jay). These are my notes on a class he taught last week.

Osoto Gari and Baseball Choke to Armbar Series

3 March 2011 – Gi class during Lunch @ the Combatives Schoolhouse – Lvl 3 Combatives

Pull to Osoto Gari – Exaggerated pulling kuzushi: Instead of driving forward from the start, yank him backwards, hard. He’ll probably plant and lean back. This sets you up to step in for the throw.

After landing Osoto Gari: Side control to baseball choke: From modified scarf hold side control (hips turned toward his head, deep underhook on far side, pulling up on near side).

• Instead of underhooking on the far side, control his far-side collar with a thumb-inside grip, pinning his solar plexus with your elbow. Keep the elbow tight to prevent his underhook.
• Control the near-side arm at the elbow, gripping the gi at the elbow and pulling tight. He shouldn’t be able to bend his elbow.
• Use your near-side hand to open the far-side collar and switch the far-side hand (the one controlling the far-side collar) to a thumb-outside grip.
• With the inside hand, put in a thumb-inside grip on his collar.
• Switch base and walk around to north-south to choke.

He pushes on your chest: Step up to straight arm bar:

• Roll your shoulders back and turn your chest up, pulling his arm past you.
• Trap that arm with the far-side arm.
• Pop up to a high knee-on-belly mount. To get up, push down on the elbow on his stomach. It should be pretty uncomfortable for him Make sure your shoelaces are tight against him and high up in his armpit.
• Step around for the straight arm bar, maintaining the far-side grip on his collar.

He turns away from the arm bar: As you step up, your opponent may try to flip over on his belly away from you to escape, probably thinking of attacking your legs. Transition to a face-down arm bar on the far side.

• Release the grip on the collar and post that hand on the ground.
• Switch the foot that’s over his face to the back of his head.
• Complete the arm bar by driving your hips to the ground, spreading your knees to make room, if necessary.

Modern Jiu Jitsu stays sharp through competition. The emphasis on live sparring and competition was one of Jigaro Kano’s innovations in Judo, and we carry that tradition on in BJJ.

Competition isn’t for everyone, but it’s crucial to the art. It fuels innovation and keeps people working hard. It’s the gun to your head  Chuck Palahniuk wrote about in Fight Club. When you know you’ve worked hard enough in training, you’ll walk into a tournament or a fight with a smile on your face.

The Program

The new MACP logo is pretty gangster, if you ask me

The Modern Army Combatives Program (MACP) is controversial for a number of reasons. The biggest issue is that it’s badly taught throughout most of the Army. It’s really still in its infancy, and there aren’t a lot of good instructors to go around. Secondly, there’s the question of whether spending valuable training time on hand-to-hand combat is worth doing in the first place.

Then, there’s a host of minor quibbles with the program itself, which are common to debates over martial arts in general: Why the emphasis on groundfighting? Why do we teach this or that in the first level of instruction? People ask why we’re teaching wrasslin’ when someone in a war zone is probably just going to shoot you? (Duh – We’re in an asymmetric war in civilian-dense war zones.  Soldiers need to be able to respond with non-lethal force in all situations)

My overall impression of the course so far: It’s a very practical crash course in self defense techniques. The schoolhouse maintains a high standard of instruction and expects a lot out of the students. If MACP was run this way Army-wide, people would understand the philosophy behind it, and it would get a lot more respect.

So here I am at the end of week 1. What have I seen so far?

The Schoolhouse

The Combatives schoolhouse is located in a nondescript brick building on the main part of Ft Benning, a stone’s throw where Airborne students practice parachuting from large cranes. The facility itself is very nice. The main area is padded with those 1×2 meter Zebra mats – enough space for four regulation competitions to be held at one time, with curtains that can divide the space into four separate spaces. There’s also a full weight room and a heavy bag room. The instructors wear ACU bottoms and black MACP Instructor t-shirts. Students wear full ACU uniforms with everything stripped off or, when we’re boxing, PT shorts and tan shirts with our names written in sharpie on the front and back.

Week One

The first week of the level three course is mostly a crash course in western boxing. We’ve learned footwork, punches and combinations. We moved very quickly from drilling single punches, to doing combinations, to high-intensity combination work on heavy bags and pads. Throughout it all, the instructors have been very good about fixing errors in our technique.

On Friday, we actually did some live sparring. Aside from having horrible technique, I did very well with this – I’ve definitely had more harrowing sessions with the gloves on.

We’ve also been reviewing all the material from levels 1 and 2. On Friday we took a test on running competitions and ran mock tournaments with students acting as referees.

The course is very physical. So far it’s been nothing outside my comfort zone, but we’re told it gets more intense in the second week, when we move into kickboxing. The third week is going to integrate takedowns, and the fourth week is going to involve “tactical” training, whatever that means. Somewhere in there we’re going to learn police-style control and detainment techniques.

Not on Brazilian Time

The atmosphere between students, and between the students and instructors is very laid back. There are lower enlisted, like me, along with Drill Sergeants, Special Forces platoon Sergeants, Captains, and even one Major in the class, but we refer to each other by last name only in class. It’s pretty surreal for me to be here, where I went to Basic Training, wrestling and boxing with Drill Sergeants. And one of my favorite guys here is Captain Murph, a Judo brown belt who calls me “dude.”

It’s definitely a military school, though. When I showed up a couple of minutes late the second day of school, I was bawled out by the cadre’s platoon sergeant and sharply reminded that, in the Army, on time is 15 minutes early. We’re not on Brazilian time here. The brisk pace of instruction is typical of Army instruction, as is the way we’re expected to do everything with a lot of hooah enthusiasm. We’re all expected to help clean up before and after class as well.

In Future

There are a lot of  characters in the class, and stories and subplots I’ll have to get to later. I promised myself I’d write something this weekend, and now it’s past my bedtime on Sunday.

This comic took my breath away. Click the image to see the whole thing.

I wish I could smash that little motherfucker so easily. Imagine how that would feel. With a little voice like that in your head, you’re not only sabotaging yourself, but you’re probably being shitty with the people around you as well.

I’ve struggled with this my whole life. If I daydream carelessly, I’ll go over all the mean things I’ve done, all the mean things that have been done to me, and all those lost opportunities. Disappointment after shitty disappointment. I know I’m not the only person who does this. How good can it be for your spirit to constantly put yourself down and mull over your failures?

In jiu jitsu, though, I’m stubbornly optimistic. I’m not a natural athlete. I’m not even a quick study. I beat myself over the head with new material and it all has to be broken down and somehow jammed through this tiny straw that leads into my brain. But I’ve kept plugging away at it, and eventually I’ve become pretty good at it.

What if I could have this attitude all day long, with the rest of my life? What if we all could?

We lack the courage to even imagine the kind of person we could be. Not only could we be more physically strong, we could be more compassionate, more morally brave, more at ease with the people around us. But most people never access even a tiny shred of that potential. Not only is it hard work, but who’s helping with this? No major institution in modern society encourages us to work on being happier and healthier. We’re isolated, both socially and economically, into our broken “nuclear” families. The food most people eat makes them fat, sick, and lethargic. Religion could help you access a richer spiritual and moral life, but all you hear about is who you’re not supposed to be having sex with.

Another Bruce Lee quote (emphasis mine):

If you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.”

If you work hard on yourself, you can become stronger, both physically and morally. It ain’t easy though, and there’s not much help out there. You have to pick up the ball and run with it yourself. For me, it’s been crushing my ego on the mat and discovering that a lot of the barriers I ran into, I had put there myself (or just allowed to remain through passivity and excuse-making). I know man-hugging isn’t for everyone. If it’s not for you, I hope you find your own way to break through and become the person you should be.

Part One: Always worth it

“Okay. Heads I go back to the MMA school and take these Jiu Jitsu classes. Tails, I go to yoga again.”

I flip the quarter and it comes up heads. I purse my lips and flip it again. Again, heads.

That’s how I ended up getting my sorry ass back into the gym for the first time in two months. I know. It’s shameful.

Of course, it was worth it. It’s always worth it.You hear it so much when you train. It’s a cliché: “You never regret training, no matter how tired you were before you came in.”

When I got there, Flocka (I am totally winging it with the spelling), a dude I’d rolled with a month ago asked me:”Where you been, man?” He’d invited me back to practice on Saturdays, impressed with my skill. This meant a lot to me because after after all the time I’ve had off, I feel like a white belt all over again, flopping around helplessly on the mat. Like a walrus, or a paraplegic who’s fallen from his chair.

I told him I’m still getting my bearings in this new town. That I haven’t bought a car yet, so it takes an extra push to get motivated. I omitted the fact that I’ve been having serious doubts about my own commitment to training in the first place. I told him I want to get in more, especially on Saturdays when I’m always free.

“Well, we’ll always be here, man,” he replied. He doesn’t know how much this meant to me. Thanks, Flocka.

Part Two: Turkeys

My buddy has called my legs “turkeys.” This is a word he’s brought from his homeland, which is Florida, which (the word, that is, “turkeys”) is applied to large, meaty legs. I think it’s usually used to describe females with large, powerful thighs. I possess turkeys naturally. And a big bubble butt.

Yesterday we did a pretty serious leg workout for morning PT, with box jumps and burpees. Then I rode my bike to the gym, where we did an hour of double legs, including partner lifts. Today, I rode my bike to yoga, where the instructor put us into Utkatasana and some other leg-intensive poses. What this means is that my legs are only gonna get bigger. It’s going to be hilarious when I fail to add bulk up top to go along with it. I’m going to look like a T-Rex.

Part Three: Playing Ketchup

I’ve had a couple of good days of training, but my diet continues to be an issue.

This is the least appetizing picture of a hamburger I found in 30 seconds.

For lunch today, I succombed to a double quarter pounder with cheese from Burger King. That is to say: despite the fact that I had clean, paleo-friendly food waiting in my fridge, despite the fact that I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and saw very clearly where the 10 lbs I’ve gained has gone (hint: not lean tissue), despite the fact that I’ve been talking shit about switching to a paleo diet – despite all this, not only did I purchase this fast food item, I asked to “go large” due to french fries being easily the most seductive junk food for me, and not only did I purchase this fast food item, I sat down and put it all into my mouth, chewed, swallowed, and ate it. And immediately felt terrible.

Yes, I’ve backslid quite a bit. From my former glory. But I’ve been frustrated and bored, and I haven’t had any goals. Lately, I don’t even know why I get up in the morning. Without a goal, I’ve been rudderless. But what goal to pick? The most important thing is to have one.

“A goal is not always meant to be reached. It often serves simply as something to aim at.”

Thanks, Bruce. That means a lot.

We're just friends!

Honestly, I don’t know why people think Hoot and I are “an item.”

Let me take a step back: I got laid off last year while I was training for my first MMA fight. I decided to join the Army in September and graduated from Basic Training in December. I’m training for my job now. I still get homesick, mostly for my home Academy, which I consider more of a home than my old apartment. If you made a chart, I’m sure I spent way more of my waking hours training than at home.

When I got here I found a gym with huge wrestling mats rolled up at one end of the basketball courts, gathering dust. I started teaching basic jiu jitsu to a couple of my pals. We didn’t have access to anyone more experienced than me, and I was itching to get on the mat. It’s an awful, helpless feeling wanting only to train, and feeling your jiu jitsu drain away, as if through the soles of your feet.

During a PT session one morning, one of our sergeants told us: “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” I totally agree, and I’ve been doing everything I can to keep my jiu jitsu from rotting on the vine.

I feel presumptuous being the only conduit for this precious thing.  Who would grant this responsibility on a twitching retard like me? As a purple belt, though, it’s technically my right to train new students. I’ve watched Hooton go from zero to having a basic understanding of a couple of positions. She’s a handful for inexperienced males who, a month ago, would have smothered her with raw strength. Seeing this, I’m filled with shame and pride. If hooton’s jiu jitsu sucks, it’s my fault.

Hooton evades the breakdance armbar

Friends from home will recognize a familiar scenario: My best friend in Maine was a girl who trained BJJ as well.I don’t know why my best friend once again a female grappler, but there is this: Out of at least ten people I’ve trained with here, only Hoot has stuck with it (Her real name is Hooton. I call her “Hoot,” partly because my phone’s T9 recognizes “hoot” as a word in text messages). She has all the makings of a great student. She never wants to go home from the gym, she rolls until she can’t breathe,  and she doesn’t whine when she suffers bumps and scrapes. She’s at the point now where she doesn’t feel completely lost when she rolls, and now all she wants to do after class is train. I’ve got a training buddy!

Leave it to me to get chummy with one of the few females here – because we both dig jiu jitsu.

Sprawl Choke!

Here’s a picture of me choking the shit out of her!

The Army constantly works against us, though: They have us on a pretty intense schedule: Wake up is at 4:30am and we aren’t released until 5pm. It’s hard to use even the little time we have: At this phase of Initial Entry Training (IET), I have to have a “battle buddy” everywhere I go. Since Hoot and I are opposite sexes, we have to find a third person to bring along to the gym whenever we train. Hoot is the only one who’s stuck with it. So, we’re always dragging some schmo along who isn’t really all that into it. It’s a stupid situation, the kind I was warned I’d find myself in when I joined the Army. The latest dude we’ve been training with seems to be more interested than the rest, though, and when we “phase up” to having the most privileges allowed here – hopefully this will happen within the next couple of weeks – we won’t need battle buddies anymore.

Last weekend, we went off-post and trained at the local BJJ school. Their instructor isn’t there on the weekend, but a couple of guys there are solid grapplers. It felt really good to train with experienced opponents again.

Looking for knee-to-belly against Joe

I’m getting more comfortable with teaching. Today I taught Hoot and our friend Frazier a bunch of cool stuff: A variation of the Sumi Gaeshi where you hold a Kimura grip and finish with that submission on the ground; how to establish and hold a basic knee-to-belly pin; and from there, a move my instructor calls the Nate (If any readers know a more universal name for this, please let me know). I’ve been sticking to basic techniques, but I was feeling saucy today. My buddies seem to have picked this stuff up pretty well.

I miss my gym back home. A lot. I don’t regret my decision to leave – I felt like I needed to bust a geographical move when I got laid off , and I’d always felt a calling to serve my country, at least for one term of enlistment – but I’m really not happy here. Everyone says that once you’re done with training it’s much less confining. I hope I can keep growing my jiu jitsu while I’m doing this gig.

By the way, we start Army Combatives this week. I’ll update with my opinions on this BJJ-derived program.

(Photos courtesy of Angel)

Hello Jerry,

As an amateur MMA fighter and long-time Penny Arcade fan, Wednesday’s comic is a delicious intersection of two of my most-loved domains – a venn diagram whose circles I never thought would intersect. I also enjoyed the old podcast where you originally talked about your forays into MMA. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of ridiculous email from ridiculous people on this topic. I’d just like to make a quick point and get out of your way.

In short, I think the strip is really funny – especially “kick-kicking, a kick-based form of combat” – but I sincerely believe you are missing out on some really good stuff, and I assure you the appeal is not in the “look-away” moments. The appeal of MMA is exactly what you desire – a contest between diverse “systems.” The results may not be as balletic as you expected, but when two guys get into a real fight it’s rarely very “pretty” to watch. That’s not to say there aren’t incredible displays of virtuosity!

In the early days, it was an open question which “system” would carry the day in an anything-goes fight. We just didn’t know. There were lots of people who claimed theirs would be the “ultimate” fighting art, especially those who lived on money from students. As it turned out, the jiu-jitsu guys were able to close the gap and force their game on all comers for most of the 90s. That’s changed, and even guys who specialize in striking are now usually world-class grapplers. It goes both ways, too – you’ll see guys who are primarily grapplers scoring knockouts with punches and kicks.

Ironically, grappling is the most complex part of fighting. While striking is relatively simple and is all about timing, grappling is a “deep” contest that moves more slowly and has a lot more room for strategy and improvisation. In practice, though, it’ll always look like “sweaty ball-punching” if it’s not your thing.

The new UFC video game actually does a good job of capturing the complexity of MMA. I was really impressed with it!

If you find grappling to be fundamentally a bummer, you might enjoy watching muay thai fights, which are basically MMA without the ground game. Fighters are allowed to grab each other while standing, and even throw each other, but there’s no ground fighting. It’s often very pretty to watch. If you’re sincerely interested in MMA, I’d also suggest the 2008 documentary “Renzo: Legacy” (Trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zENt9OpmhY)

(also, a story I wrote for a local magazine about my first MMA fight: http://www.thebollard.com/bollard/?p=6262)

Anyway, thanks for your time!

-John Bronson
Portland, ME